i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
