I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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