During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize