i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
