I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
