who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
