I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
