is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
