Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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