Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize