Joe is yelling at the trees again.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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