I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Congratulations! We have a period
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