i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Found your dick twin last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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