well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drunk is not a location!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
