there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
