I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
