i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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