This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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