I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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