We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
