i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
