who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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