Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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