I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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