jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
