lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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