You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
