I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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