I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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