Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we're so committed to being not committed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
