i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
