when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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