hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
