Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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