there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
