I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
