im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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