Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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