I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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