apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
