He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize