It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
birth control should be required to get into college
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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