Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
