Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
did i just pee glitter
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
