I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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