if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
