i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
