i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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