just tell him i said nine months
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
