So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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