She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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