she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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