she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
