I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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