i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
