So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
