i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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