Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize