dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
