a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
