this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
