What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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