Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
