first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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