You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
