he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
