You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
