Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
