you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
