I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
